Illustration: Maya E Shakur for FREDERICK & SOPHIE
Location: Scare School
When it’s Halloween, we must be terribly spooky and spectacularly scary. It’s the rule. That’s why we go to Scare School! Here, you learn how to be most frightening. The headmaster is an ogre named Newton. His favorite food is fungus fries.
The school’s floors are creaky, the walls are crooked, and it’s dusty and dark. Professor Thing plays the piano. His music is always dreadful and dreary.
In spooking class, we must try to scare Franken-BouBou. He was created by Professor Choukette.
Professor Choukette is a mad scientist. He teaches us how to bring things to life and how to make monsters! It’s all terribly exciting.
First, Professor Choukette reads from his book How Not to Be Eaten by Your Experiment. Then he tells us to pull a scary face. We pull our scariest ones.
Professor Choukette also teaches us everything we need to know about potions. There are fizzing potions, slimy potions, and color changing potions. For some we need goblin snot. For others, we need spider slime. We especially like the ones that make you giggle so hard that bubbles come out of your nose.
Professor Eglantine whooshes in on her broomstick.
She teaches us how to turn our pumpkins into creepers that give you the jeepers. We put on our goggles, and gloves, and we carve, carve, carve. Here are some faces our pumpkins like to make.
The next class is Dark Matters. The professor is invisible. He gives us an invisible pop-quiz. We must find scary words that rhyme with BOO! We write goo and chew and stinky shoe.
We run to our lockers to get our wands. Everybody knows that when you open your Scare School locker, you must be very careful to not get sucked into the blob. That would be a terrible thing.
We use our wands to make i-SCREAM sundaes. We must absolutely wear earmuffs to protect our ears. Especially strawberry scoops are terribly loud.
Professor Itt is a hairwolf with hair that swipes all over the floor. He teaches us gruesome growls. It’s our final lesson of the day. We hiss and snarl and wuhuhuh until Professor Itt barks, “E-rrrrough!” That’s when we tremble with fear because it’s time for our Scare School Exam!
We creep onto our manny George in the hallway, and we shout, “Trrrrrrick or Trrrrrrreat!” George wallops and shrieks, “You are terribly spooky and spectacularly scary!” That’s when we howl with happiness. We passed our Scare School Exams!
Professor Thing plays the piano, and we all sing, “They’re creepy and their kooky, mysterious and spooky, they’re all together ooky, Frederick and Sophie!”
When George asks us, “How was your day?” we say, “It was hideous and horrible! It was perfect in every way!”
Frederick & Sophie